A Ruptured Appendix Can Be An Opportunity

It took me much longer to get to this than I'd expected. Having two surgeries within 13 days took it out of me and I've been recovering slowly--and now surely.

After coming home from Joseph, Oregon after the wonderful opportunity to share with ladies from Baker City about how we can be friends to those in need, I was tired but extremely fulfilled. We had a great time and my husband who drove me had a great time as well--he needed a break and got it while I "worked"!

But only two days later I felt ill, the following day I felt worse, and on Friday May 8 I told Ray he needed to take me to the doctor. My own was out that day so the new physician I saw asked Ray if the pain that had me doubled over was common. He said he'd never seen me this way before (and I've had a lot of pain with a cervical spinal cord injury--thankfully I've forgotten how bad some of that was). She said, "Go immediately, straight to the ER! I'll call ahead to get you in front of others!"

We're so thankful to her, I have taken the energy to write her a letter of thanks. The surgeon I saw said the CAT scan revealed a need to check out my appendix and abdomen, so I had surgery about 1:30 am. My appendix had burst and I had a drain to remove infectious toxins. One of the worst affects though was the "ileus," a result of anesthesia making the gastro-intestinal track go to sleep! Which means, you can't have anything but ice cubes until something wakes up! Hence, I was in the hospital eight days.

On my sixth day there we had a fire in our garage which my husband put out himself, braving blinding black smoke to open the doors by hand and find the source. Nothing like adding more stress to his life! The garage was covered in oily black residue since it was an electrical fire--he was charging a radio control battery for his airplanes and the charger shorted out! Apart from his job, the cleanup with professional crews has consumed his time.

Now home, I began running a low grade fever and eventually went back to the ER on Memorial Day, May 25. I had two abscesses due to the rupture. I won't go into the surgery I had to drain this . . . to say it would gross some out is an understatement! This time I was in the hospital another eight days!

I've been recovering ever since, and in this past week I've seen a marked change in how my energy level has been growing. I am back to doing some of my exercises! My neurologist said last week--with much relief and happiness due to all my body has been through--that I haven't progressed with the MS since he last saw me. YEAH!

How does one see all this as an opportunity? Well, for me, every hospitalization has been an opportunity to share my hope and faith with nurses and doctors and other personnel I would never have had the opportunity to meet otherwise. The stories I could tell about seeing a smile spread when I simply said a genuine "Thank you" abound. Listening to nurses tell their own stories and being able to encourage them, or as was the case one time actually say, "You did all you could" as I looked into a face filled with despair and guilt and watch that beautiful face relax and tears fill her eyes, made my day. Then there was the student nurse I got to encourage before her professor and her training nurse--what joy that brought me! I was saddened to learn many patients are belligerent and even mean!

Would I have preferred to not have gone through all this? Definitely a big "Yep!" as our granddaughter would say. But I would not have had the blessings I did in being kind to others or experiencing the blessings of others providing meals, praying, and being available when Ray had to leave town for three days during my recovery. Nor would I have had the opportunities to encourage my husband in certain ways as he did me.

Even a ruptured appendix can be an adventure with living!

To every adventure!

Jo

Making Friends

A woman from New York named Maureen listened to the archived talk I gave on helping those who help us on blogtalkradio.com during National Invisible Chronic Illness Awareness Week and she wrote me with a most interesting question.

During the interview I had talked about a woman who asked, "How are you?" I had answered, "Do you really want to know?" and she turned to walk away as she said, "Not really." I was stunned. I had said that because I was becoming unsure of how honest I should be since most seemed to want to hear, "I'm fine."

I then described how it is helpful to have a friend who tries to understand our difficulties due to our illness. The kind of friend who will ask, care, and occasionally help us when we're in need. Maureen asked how we find that kind of friend. She said she's moved around a lot and doesn't have a good support system. I can relate because Ray and I have moved around some as well and I have wanted friends wherever we lived.

I'd like to share how I have made this kind of friend. The first thing I do is ask God to make me a friend to someone who needs and wants what I can give, and I ask him to bring people into my life that will do the same. I don't leave it there though. I attend a local Bible women's study or one at the church we attend because I've made friends in this kind of setting before.

When I am in the small group of this Bible study where we're asked to share about ourselves I am vulnerable about having an illness (MS) that makes life challenging at times. I also tell how God is working in my life because of it. This oftentimes causes someone to come up to me with compassion or a similar health concern.

If this happens, or I sense God is leading me to reach out to a certain person, I put myself out by asking that woman to meet me for coffee or lunch, or to come over to my house for coffee. Since the only way to really have a friendship is to be a friend, I want to be a good listener and show I care. As we get to know each other I learn more about how to meet her needs--which may only be to listen, it's a valuable gift we all need--and I share more about my own difficulties.

Then, if I need someone's help I take a risk and ask her if she can meet it--drive me somewhere or push my wheelchair in a mall to help me Christmas shop. I never know when someone will desire to get a blessing by helping me without asking them. I've made several friends who were just looking for someone to help because it gave them a purpose. When I asked they jumped at the chance and we developed a wonderful relationship because of it.

I'd enjoy any feedback you have to this blog topic!

To making new friends . . .!

Jo

Sometimes We Are Surprised

Since I've had MS since 1977, and was diagnosed in 1978, I have been blessed by so many caring medical staff--nurses, doctors, physical therapists, and occupational therapists, to name a few. I've been so impressed by almost every one that I have a paragraph in my Acknowledgements section of my memoir Soar Unafraid: Learning to Trust No Matter What dedicated to them with thanks for who they are and what they do. It just means so much to me.

I have also been blessed to have private insurance throughout all the years of MS, something that I know many cannot claim. But there is no word of thanks in the Acknowledgement section of my book. Usually I encounter people who are rude or put out though they are supposedly doing their job of "customer service." I get off the phone wondering where the "service" was supposed to come in.

Today I was surprised.

I've been going round and round with our insurance regarding a payment they owe for April 2007 (!) for the Betaseron I inject for the MS. This was a new insurance plan as of last spring. On June 24 Iris told me it was "being expedited" since they had now received the medical records (which I had sent to them twice already, by the way.) These records not only showed that I had MS, but also the neurologist's prescription for the past several years (and I've been using it since 1994 when it was released by the FDA.)

On July 1 I was informed by Iris that the claim was in process. Today when Iris returned my call she said, "The claim has been denied by a nurse due to pre-existing conditons." I said, "How can that be when I have always had insurance and taken Betaseron since 1994, and they paid every other month thereafter in 2007 and 2008?!" She answered, "I don't know, but you can appeal."

As a recovering codependent--a person who has tried to please everyone--I try to be assertive without crossing the line into aggressive. But I was upset!

While I prayed to calm down and my husband said, "Let it go for now. We'll file the appeal" I took my afternoon rest. I've learned I need that time each day in order to rejuvinate my body and mind. Minutes later the phone rang.

"Hi, is this Jo? This is Iris. I began looking through your claims paid by us and you're right. There is no explanation for this. I am going to walk to that department right now and tell them so. If I can't get an answer for you today I will call you on Monday."

!!!! Need I say I was surprised? I responded, "Iris, thank you. You are a blessing. I so appreciate you showing concern."

How often do you find people who go the extra mile in business for you? Yesterday we had an installer out and he was from a foreign country where he had been a civil engineer. He said here in the US he has to get a four year degree to do the same thing and he can't make ends meet with his three children. Ray felt such empathy for the man and was kind, conversational, and showed genuine concern.

But after he left Ray found many sloppy things the installer could have done correctly. His laziness or bitterness showed throughout the job he had done. And, he cut a cord of Ray's and never told him about it when he could have just apologized.

I was just comparing Iris and this installer. Iris--whether she knows it or not--is doing as Jesus said, "If someone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles" (Matthew 5:41). I'm praying Iris feels the blessing I gave to her for going the extra mile for me. There are so few in this me-first world that really exemplify that. May she sense a smile from God.

Hoping you too are having moments of being surprised by others!
Jo

A Heart of Thanks

How often do you thank those around you? I've been thinking about that lately because I have so much for which to be thankful!

Life often doesn't turn out exactly like we want, and that means it will often bring needs that others can meet. But do you ask for help? It's not easy is it? As a Western society we are taught we are to be loners, do-it-ourselfers, able to do it all alone.

I learned many years ago when MS hit me that I needed to request assistance in order to function fully--and a full life is what I wanted! That meant asking for a ride somewhere. Help with things at home occasionally. And when I began living alone as a single after fifteen years of marriage (and an unwanted divorce) I definitely needed help at times. Needless to say, it turned out to be providential that I had already learned how to ask.

There is an art to asking for help. I've learned the hard way that if I'm not accepting of my need for help my request will not come out nicely! Many don't know that Jesus actually modeled asking for help for us. In Matthew 26:36 we read "Then Jesus went with his disciples to a place called Gethsemane, and he said to them, "Sit here while I go over there and pray." I can't imagine in the state he was in, needing support, he would have used a voice full of annoyance, but one full of gentleness.

For me, the attitude behind my request needs to come from a heart of thanks that others would want to help. That takes stepping out of my comfort zone and giving it a try! Usually, with an attitude of gratefulness, people are more than willing to help out. They actually say they're blessed to be helping!

I have been speaking and singing for audiences since 1984 and it is only possible because I ask for assistance from others. My husband is another who is asked quite regularly for help--and when I say "Would you please..." there is rarely a time he isn't more than willing and wants to help. I'm so appreciative of the help I receive.

When I traveled to Israel as part of an archaeological team that worked at the site of Timnah, where Samson got his Philistine bride in Judges 14:1, the members could sense my excitement at being in the land where Jesus walked and lived and died and rose from the dead. They could sense my enthusiasm round every turn and they offered to help because of that. I so overflowed with thanks that I wrote a song and dedicated it to them at a banquet before we crossed into Jordan and rode donkeys into Petra where they fireman-carried me around yet again. (Remember the rosy building carved into the stone canyon in an Indiana Jones movie? That's Petra--it really exists with many buildings!)

It's difficult requesting help, but I guarantee that if you try asking someone, chances are they are going to want to do whatever they can if you begin with a heart of thanks!

Have a thankful week! And try asking for help--you'll give someone else a blessing.
Jo